RELATIONSHIPS NEED INJECTIONS OF EFFORT
Three facts of life.
Life has ups and downs.
Living with someone is challenging.
Diving in deeper with someone promotes greater vulnerability (and can be difficult and fear provoking at times).
Relationships need injections of effort.
There are certain behaviors and ways of thinking that make a difference. These include a willingness to navigate the ups and downs together (and not mitigating with other people outside of the core relationship). Additionally, the ability to remain more grateful and less frustrated and realize that your partner will always have several things that irritate you, and the reverse is true! You are not perfect, they are not perfect, but two perfectly imperfect people can work together to create a beautiful and lasting bond by letting those small things go. Finally, hold on to the desire to invest time and effort into your relationship and push away competing priorities coupled with a never-ending focus on connection, intimacy, and remembering why you want to be in this relationship.
What to do to inject more effort:
Meet yourself wherever you are at and start small, as always. Do one thing per day for your partner without telling them. Be cautious not to “score-keep” during this time, just give for the sake of giving and notice what happens. This assists with putting the spotlight on them and not on yourself. It is natural to focus on ourselves and what we need. What do they need? What is it like in their shoes?
Notice what your partner does around the house or for you, or your family. What is their language of love? We have a tendency to think our partner is useless and unhelpful when we are more stressed out and time pressured. Most likely, you are missing the small things that they are bringing into the relationship space too. You would miss these things if they were not there!
Schedule small snippets of time to connect with your partner daily. This can be asking about their day, playing a board game together (yes, time to bring back good ol’ board games), turning off social media and television and looking at each other while speaking, or even watching a show together BUT, sit by each other and gently touch or connect physically. This doesn’t have to be hours, but quality supersedes quantity every time.
Look past differences and find similarities. What memories do you share together? What things do you both enjoy that other people would find annoying? What do they know about you that is intimate and special? What do you really want in this relationship - most likely love and support and trust. Are you giving as much as you are asking for?
It does takes effort, time, and intentional focus and yet the dividends are endless.