LOOK IN - LOOK UP - LOOK OUT PROCESS
What does it mean to look in, up, and then out? Look Up is THE business focused on building this understanding as a way to find more clarity, contentment, and meaning in your life.
Comprehending what it means to look in, and then out, begins by homing in on the tendency we have to “look out” when we are more stressed. To internally (or externally) state “wow - person X is stressing me out” or “this situation is really causing me to feel bad” and we may even fall into the externalizing blame game. “I would be okay if only they would change.” This is a universal statement that we have all uttered at one time or another in our lives.
The process of looking in, up, and then out is a 360-degree shift. We start with looking internally, then exploring possibility, and finally shifting our point of view outward.
The process of Looking In, Up, and then Out:
Set aside 5-10 minutes for each section and I strongly encourage you to write (typing is okay if that is your preferred mode of self-expression) out your responses to the questions in each section.
Move on to the next stage only after you have invested time and energy and felt a slight “shift” in your thinking, feeling, or behaviors.
Take a situation that is causing you to feel stressed, anxious, upset, or tense:
You may want to consider rating current situations on a scale of 1-10 (1 = least distressing and 10 = most distressing) and choose a lower level between 1-4 to begin with.
Additionally, notice that “not all stressors are created equal” and sometimes labeling helps illuminate perspective and builds a small sense of knowing how to prioritize and approach the varying degrees of stressors.
Another helpful categorization is to section each one into “control”, “out of control”, and “influence only” to differentiate ways to approach events and people.
Choose 1 from your list
Look In. What is going on with me right now? Why am I feeling X (describe your internal feelings and sensations as best as possible)? What am I possibly contributing to this situation? If I had to own even 5% of how I am feeling or contributing, what does that 5% look like? What cognitive distortions (more to come on distortions in the future) do I hold that may be contributing to what I am experiencing?
Look Up. What is possible? What do I know about myself that can help me approach X? What strengths or capabilities can I leverage that will assist me? What have I learned or experienced in the past that can help inform me on next steps? When X is solved, what will be different about me? The situation? What do I recall about ways I have solved similar issues or challenges? What would I say to a good friend right now?”
Look Out. What do I really want to happen here? What are the core needs I am trying to meet (to be loved, to belong, to matter, etc.)? What is the best outcome I could hope for? What am I looking for from this person? What can I do to make a difference for this person/people in this situation? What do I want to be remembered for?
Practice does make perfect
Starting with lower-level stressors can help build more capability and skill and by the time you get to your higher-level stressors, you will have more “gas in the tank” to pull from.
If you struggle with this individually, reach out to a trusted person to help walk you through the steps.
Please share your experiences and offer stories to help others as they move along the Look In, Up, and then Out journey in their lives.